To Me, My X-Men Comics! - Uncanny X-Men Issue 96
In which machine guns are wielded by maids and wall insurance is negotiated
PREVIOUSLY IN THE UNCANNY X-MEN: Frog insults! Xavier freak-outs! Thunderbird deaths!
We open the issue with Scott moping about Thunderbird’s idiot death at the end of last issue. Eventually, after blasting the criminy out of the surrounding wildlife with his optic beams, Scott reminds himself that cannon fodder characters die all the time in comics, so, y’know, buck up and get over it. Of course, being written by Claremont, that simple message takes seven (7) word-balloon-heavy panels to get across. Oh, and it also somehow summons forth a demon. Whatever.
Over to the mansion then, where the Professor tells Banshee that he’s hired a housekeeper with the unlikely name of Moira McTaggert. (“Can we call her Maid Moira?” says Banshee. “No,” says the Professor.) But before they can argue the point further, Cyclops comes hurtling through the wall, pursued by the previously discussed demon. He introduces himself. “Kierrok, The Shatterer of Souls. Kierrok, The Destroyer of Men. Kierrok, The Damned. Pleased to meetcha.” But when Kierrok refuses to pay the deductible for repairing the mansion wall, the pleasantries soon turn to an all-in shitfight.
With everybody else almost completely ineffective, Wolverine steps up to the fight and butchers the demon with one of his patented Berserker Rages™. But it turns out Kierrok’s still alive. (Cyclops: “You want to know something even funnier? Kierrok’s not dead.” Yes, Scott. That’s friggin’ priceless.) In an attempt to broaden Scott’s comedic horizons, Maid Moira hilariously shows up with a machine gun and tries to shoot the demon up. Alas, that doesn’t work (on either level), so Storm flies out to the ‘cairn’ from which the demon sprang forth and destroys that instead. And Kierrok disappears into nothingness. And with only half a page to spare. Phew!
MVP: Gotta be Maid Moira. Heck, if Mrs Doubtfire had contained scenes of Robin Williams wielding automatic weaponry at a Hellmouth-spawned fiend, I might have paid closer attention. Ha ha ha! No, of course I wouldn’t have, but you get my point.
Next Issue: Sibling rivalry with Scott and Alex Summers. Plus, Colossus pays no heed to the flight attendant instructions!