To Me, My X-Men Comics! - Uncanny X-Men Issue 105
In which Charles has dreams and Gene Roddenberry lawsuits are avoided
PREVIOUSLY IN THE UNCANNY X-MEN: Hungarian hovercrafts! Magneto masterclasses! Pythonesque patter!
Okay. So, we begin this issue with some priggish intergalactic blowhard named Firelord deciding to pick a fight with the X-Men. Why? Well, it’s all to do with Eric The Red, of course. Because he (Eric) has somehow convinced him (Firelord) that, in fact, it is the X-Men who are looking to conquer the world and that only somebody with the power of Firelord can stop them. “I’m somebody with the power of Firelord,” says Firelord, who is as dim and buff and ablaze as anybody you ever want to see. He makes short work of Cyclops, Wolverine, Colossus, Storm, Nightcrawler and Banshee, and then heads off with Eric to find Chuck and Jean, who are having dinner with Jean’s parents and Jean’s roommate, Misty. (“Ah, so your mutant ability is to transform into mist, then?” says Charles, impressed. “Uh, no,” says Misty. “It’s just my name.” “It’s still quite uncanny,” says Chuck, smooth as ever with the young womenfolk.)
Before Eric and Firelord show up to disrupt the Professor’s confused rambling, however, somebody else decides to crash the party first. It’s Lilandra, a random space princess, who is fleeing some kind of Imperial warship. She teleports into Jean and Misty’s apartment. “It looks just like that Star Trek transporter effect!” says Misty. “Oh no it doesn’t!” says Jean, far more wary of Roddenberry copyright litigation. “This woman has been in my dreams for several issues now!” declares Charles, out of nowhere. “Pre-cognitive dreams?” says Jean. “Um, sure…” says Chuck, recovering quickly. Luckily, Firelord shows up to distract everybody from Professor X’s looming erection. So Jean transforms into Phoenix and she and Firelord start fighting all over the place, almost killing Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum, who have showily written/drawn themselves into the story.
While they fight, Eric The Red shows up. Only it’s revealed he’s not Eric The Red. He’s, uh, Shakari, the renowned bounty hounter, who has been sent to Earth to recapture Lilandra. The rest of the X-Men also show up, but too late to stop Shakari/Eric from opening a stargate and stealing away with her. As you’d expect, Chuck loses his shit over this. “Curse you, Eric!” he rails. “It can’t end like this, it mustn’t!” And he makes Phoenix reopen the stargate and sends the team in to get Lilandra back. “Those must be some kickass dreams you’ve been having,” says Wolverine, just before he teleports halfway across the galaxy. “You have no idea,” mutters Charles. After the team’s all teleported off, Mr and Mrs Grey demand an explanation as to what in blazes has been going on. “Hmm?” says Professor X. “Oh, that. I think I’ve just sent them all to their deaths. Now, Misty. Tell me some more about how you can transform yourself into a mild fog.”
MVP: Gotta be Nightcrawler. Because I forgot to mention that when the X-Men returned to join the hunt for Lilandra, they did so via yet another patented Scott Summers crash-landing. Nightcrawler’s brilliant response to Cyclops once again blowing up a plane in which they were flying? “Oh no, not again!”
Next Issue: Flashback! What a feeling. Plus, the return of Maid Moira!