To Me, My X-Men Comics! - Uncanny X-Men Issue 101
In which Jean wields exclamation marks and vacation time is enforced
PREVIOUSLY IN THE UNCANNY X-MEN: Mutant robots! Bruce Willis tributes! Fanboy dissatisfaction!
At the end of last issue, Jean sacrificed herself to save the rest of the X-Men. But did she? Did she really? Of course not. Because scant seconds after the others crash land their space shuttle, Jean emerges from the ocean. She sprouts a typically verbose and exclamation mark-laden explanation (“Hear me, X-Men! No longer am I the woman you knew! I am fire! And life incarnate! Now and forever I am Phoenix!”) before the effort of her Claremontian monologue causes her to lose consciousness
.So we spend the first two-thirds of the book in the hospital, watching the X-Men wait for news on Jean’s condition. This is precisely (to four decimal places) as thrilling as you might imagine. Inaction-packed! Everybody’s doing their usual thing – Scott’s moping. Chuck’s pontificating about God only knows what. Banshee’s speaking in a ridiculous brogue. You get the idea. Eventually, after many, many panels of this tedium, the doctor shows up and puts us all out of our misery by declaring that Jean will be fine.
Professor X celebrates by ordering everybody to take an enforced holiday. At first, Wolverine is hesitant (“I’ll gut you like a double D strumpet in a slasher film for suggesting that” being Logan’s version of reluctance), but is eventually won over when Banshee suggests that everybody go to Ireland and visit his childhood castle which he’s just conveniently inherited and in which there is no doubt a trapdoor that will fall open, leaving the holiday-makers to face the dread evil of the Juggernaut in a last-page cliffhanger. “Well, that does sound more interesting,” concedes Scott, before going on to declare that therefore, he and the Professor want no part of it. And fair enough, too.
MVP: Chris Claremont. Out of nowhere, our esteemed writer takes a shot at Wolverine, chastising him for not realising the X-Men would be by Jean’s bedside. And then explaining Wolverine’s ignorance with the following bitchy aside: ‘But then again, maybe you shouldn’t have [been surprised the X-Men were by her bed]. After all, you’ve never had any friends.’ Snarktastic stuff!
Next issue: The dread vengeance of the Juggernaut. Plus, Scott and Chuck – the original odd couple.