Justice League of America - Issue 29
Featuring the twin menaces of The Crime Syndicate of America and evil ennui
The Justice League (aka the Justice League of America, aka the JLA, aka Justice League International, aka Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021)) is a collection of the DC Universe’s greatest heroes (and also Green Arrow).
I talked about why I love the JLA in this piece here. Now I’m breaking down each and every issue of the comic book, from their very first appearance, with Atom-sized summaries. Enjoy!
PREVIOUSLY
Welcome to Earth-Three, baitches! You’ve seen Earth-One (where our heroes hang out most of the time). You’ve seen Earth-Two (where more elderly versions of our heroes hang out most of the time). Extrapolating logically from the everyday to the elderly leads us, of course, to the irredeemably evil. Yes, Earth-Three is a parallel Earth in which evil is good, good evil and morally grey matters are presumably still morally grey matters, but with the greyness inverted. On Earth-Three, the Justice League of America is known as The Crime Syndicate, and they’re bored as fuck with (evilly) running the world. So when Ultraman (Evil Superman) discovers Earth-One exists, the Syndicate’s collective ears prick up (adorable!). A whole new dimension, full of do-gooders who’ve never been beaten? They’re practically already packing. Each Syndicate member squares off against a JLA member - Ultraman v Flash, Owlman (Evil Batman) v Green Lantern, Power Ring (Evil Green Lantern) v Superman, Johnny Quick (Evil Flash) v Batman and Superwoman (Evil Wonder Woman) v Wonder Woman (Non-Evil Superwoman). There’s a series of fight scenes whose outcomes are increasingly academic, because it turns out the whole imbroglio was rigged! The Syndicate’s insurance policy turns out to be the magic word ‘Volthoom’, which teleports everybody back to Earth-Three where the JLA are swiftly defeated because of, uh, home ground advantage. Why the CSA didn’t just say ‘Volthoom’ immediately and skip directly to the winning is a question Owlman’s alleged genius does not address. Because there’s no time! Not when they’ve got to get ready for the next issue in which they’re off to pick on the JSA too! Incredible comic book reading. Genuinely awesome stuff.
Fun With Comics!
MVP
It’s Ultraman who deliberately exposes himself to a chunk of Green Kryptonite to give himself a brand new superpower. Yes, on Earth-Three, that’s how kryptonite works. Ultraman’s power set therefore depends on how many rocks fall on him, which is a unique way to run a superpowered career. This time around, he gains the ability to see into Earth-One, something you or I are able to do simply by reading these very comic books. So, in a way, aren’t we all Ultramen?
Top Panel
Look at Hal here. ‘There’s only one answer to why I’m committing these feats of utter superheroing ineptitude!’ Come on, mate. Occam’s Razor. You’re just a nitwit. Let’s see some of this bone-headed bungling in HBO’s upcoming Lanterns series, please, Damon Lindelof, you coward!
Bonus Top Panel
Bats half-heartedly explains why Aquaman, Green Arrow, Atom, Martian Manhunter and Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Comic-Book won’t be seen this issue.
Villain Cryptic Crossword Clue
Mimic the incarcerated oaf? Yes, they’re the evil Justice League (3,5,9,2,7)
Next Issue: THE JSA’S BACK, BABY!