Australian Survivor Report Card - Australia v The World - Episode 9
Featuring rewriting history, primate-free challenges, monkey business, counter-shenanigans and 750 credit scores
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PREVIOUSLY ON AUSTRALIAN SURVIVOR: Lisa dabbled in the odd trope, including a beachwalking mope and a tribal council without hope
Rewriting History
Grade: C+
We return from Tribal Council with everybody still wanting to work with Parvati and Cirie.
Not only are Luke and Janine locked into a final four deal with the two of them, but Shonee also sees them as the preferred option for the direction of her swing vote. She starts talking up Janine’s business acumen, dropping Boost Juice lore like you’ve never seen, in the hope that Parvati will cut her loose rather than face her at the final three.
Parvati, meanwhile, is more concerned about how to best use her idol to get Cirie to the end as well, claiming that, eighteen years after the two of them were denied the chance to sit together at final three in Survivor: Fans v Favourites, this is a chance to rewrite history.
On the other hand, maybe don’t try to rewrite history too much, Parv. You won that season, remember?
Still, everybody wanting to go with Parvati and Cirie to the end is top tier madness to me. Like the kind of thing where in medieval times they’d drill a hole into your skull to let the insanity out.
(Fun fact: Drilling a hole into your skull is also a 40% chance of being part of the final Australian Survivor Torture Challenge™ on Sunday night.)
Primate-Free Challenges
Grade: D-
There is, however, a non-skull-hole-drilling challenge to deal with tonight first, though. It’s a classic game of Monkey-Fist Obstacle Course!
Question: Should there be a Survivor challenge where the monkey fist is an actual monkey actually punching players with its actual fist?
Answer: Obviously, yes.
Imagine Luke trying to balance blocks on top of one another for a crucial immunity win, only for a monkey to burst from the bushes and punch him in the arm! Now, that’s television.
Instead, the least interesting possible outcome of this primate-free immunity challenge unfolds, with Luke winning, seemingly dooming Shonee to a predictable vote-off.
Unless, of course, there’s some monkey business…
Monkey Business
Grade: D-
And there is monkey business! Because suddenly talk turns to Luke’s hidden immunity idol, and especially the fact that Janine doesn’t know about it.
Parvati tries to fan the flames of this a little, sending Janine off to ask Luke if he might have an idol that will keep her (Janine) safe.
“Nope,” says Luke, lying for no immediately obvious reason.
Shonee also asks Luke if he has an idol.
“Nope,” says Luke, again.
Parvati’s eyes narrow in suspicion and she confronts Luke, and asks him if he’s going to behave normally when it comes to this idol that he’s suddenly denying the very existence of.
“Nope,” says Luke. He then tries to convince Parvati that, furthermore, he never had an idol, and that, in fact, there’s never been a single idol in the history of Australian Survivor, and if there were, surely they’d call the show Australian Idol, and if there was a show called that, we’d definitely have heard about it by now.
Imagine trying to unravel how Luke’s mind works. And we thought there were no puzzle challenges this season.
Counter-Shenanigans
Grade: B+
None of Luke’s nonsense prevents Shonee from trying to cause mischief. She talks ‘Aussie strong’ with Janine and Luke, and how they should all team up to vote out Cirie. She talks ‘non-fire-making strong’ with Parvati and Cirie, and how they should all team up to vote out Janine. She talks ‘original host strong’ with JLP, and how they should both team up to blindside David.
Ultimately, however, it’s all to no avail. Luke finally reveals his shenanigans at Tribal Council, giving his immunity necklace to Janine, and threatening to play his idol on Shonee. Parvati counter-shenanigans and threatens to play her idol on Cirie.
Shenaniganed out, they all vote, ostensibly for the choice between Shonee and Cirie. We see Luke write an S but, given his terrible spelling, we still don’t know who he’s voted for.
There’s then some fun back-and-forth between Parv and Luke over who gets to play their idol last, with the advantage of having all the information on the table. The two of them swap idols and gesture for the other to go first and try to say who they’re playing them for simultaneously, all while JLP checks his watch in frustration.
750 Credit Scores
Grade: C?
Ultimately, however, the trust between the four of Luke, Parvati, Cirie and Janine holds, and Shonee goes home.
Earlier, Cirie had described the foursome’s trust in one another as having a ‘750 credit score’. JLP then swiftly translated for the Australians what that very American-centric term meant (ie, ‘good’). Excellent hosting.
Although not excellent enough, apparently, because in her final words, Shonee announces that she, too, is coming for JLP’s job!
Ouch. Too soon, Shonee. Too soon.
Dan vs The World
I had Shonee as second-most likely to go home (out of five), whereas Fiona had her fifth (also out of five). My lead against the World therefore stretches to 5-2.
Which brings us to the very final round. And much as in Survivor itself, everything switches in the final round. We’re no longer predicting who’s most likely to be voted out next, we’re predicting who’s going to win the entire game.
Here are my rankings from most likely winner to least Lukely winner.
Parvati (she’s run the entire game in an absolute masterclass, plus she’s also favourite to win the final Australian Survivor Torture Challenge™ - only a bitter jury can stop her, right?)
Cirie (but maybe the jury is bitter? Parv betrayed quite a few people to get to the end, while Cirie sat silently behind her, plus I think we’re going to final four firemaking, and maybe, just maybe, Cirie’s ‘I know how to make fire’ in the Tony vote-out episode is foreshadowing)
Janine (maybe she’ll betray Luke to get to the end, but more likely she’ll be taken there as Luke and Cirie make fire)
Luke (I don’t think he’ll get to the end, but I guess, if he does, he’ll have won either four immunities in a row, or three and final four firemaking - maybe that’ll impress people, but I doubt it)
Taking me on in the finale is the great Shannon Guss, the international Survivor correspondent for the Rob Has A Podcast network.
Shannon and I are mostly in agreement. But if an Aussie gets up, that’ll split us. Here’s her predictions and commentary:
Parvati
Cirie
Luke
Janine
It's Parvati's game to lose, she has the best shot at a final endurance challenge and the strongest game to talk about - not to mention a lot of actual fans on the jury. Cirie could steal the votes with her tight relationships and decades-long underdog story, but her path to getting there is more concerning. Luke has been making loud, albeit not particularly damaging, moves, and Janine's quieter style may be in his shadow.
Thanks so much to Shannon. Obviously, subscribe to her We Know Global Survivor podcast if you’re inexplicably not doing so already, for the most comprehensive and insightful coverage of Australian Survivor out there, including episode by episode recaps, exit interviews, deep dives and all the rest.
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