Australian Survivor Report Card - Australia v The World - Episode 4
Featuring Florence Pugh, dithering, telekinesis, rocks and firemaking, and shoes
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PREVIOUSLY ON AUSTRALIAN SURVIVOR: Big Move-itis was disowned, a Shonee vote was postponed, and King George was dethroned
Florence Pugh
Grade: C+
We check in on the World Tribe, which is now being fully run by Parvati’s Black Widow Alliance - All-New Edition™ (ie, not the original Scarlett Johansson version, but rather the Florence Pugh reboot), leaving poor old Tony and Tommi on the outs. The two of them gathered around the pot in despair is already the defining image of this tribe.
But all is not rosy with the women. There is much discussion about who should go next. Parvati wants to keep Tony as a shield. Also - perfectly on brand - she registers her utter disdain for Tommi’s tales about Finland.
Kass and Lisa, meanwhile, are arguing that keeping Tony over Tommi is unacceptable, as it would leave the American players on the tribe with a majority.
Could this possibly lead to a situation in which Kass plays her idol on Tommi at Tribal Council, only for Parvati to stand up and march over to JLP’s podium and grab the idol there and play it on Tony? Well, ideally, yes. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh, and Cirie? She’s still stuck on the Florence Pugh as the new Black Widow thing. “You’re telling me they released a movie called Thunderbolts*, and then a week later changed its name to The New Avengers?!?” She shakes her head. “What is Kevin Feige thinking??”
Dithering
Grade: D-
Meanwhile, over on the Australia tribe, Sarah is driving everybody crazy with her endless second-guessing of herself.
She talks with Janine, who asks her who should go next.
Sarah frowns in concentration. “Maybe… we should vote for… Kirby?” Her eyes widen. “No! Wait. Not Kirby.” She scratches the back of her head. “Maybe Shhhh… No… not her either.” She scrunches her mouth up as she thinks further. “Hmmmm… should we… uh… vote for… you?”
Janine raises her eyebrows. Sarah panics.
“No! No! No! Not you. Uh… JLP? George again? Me?” She winces. “Please tell me.”
But Janine has had enough. She spills the beans on Sarah’s disloyalty to Kirby to, uh, Kirby.
“Well, that’s no good,” says Kirby. “Sarah has to go.” She then points at the ground. “Also, pick up those beans.”
Telekinesis
Grade: B+
After an elongated ad break for a new season of The Amazing Race, we return for the immunity challenge. (And, sorry, Ten, but unless this exact cast is returning for The Amazing Race, I shan’t be watching. Also, they would need to stop off during the first (and only) leg of the race to play Survivor.)
The challenge is a classic game of Leg Block Hold’Em, played for individual immunity because both tribes are going to Tribal Council.
JLP explains that players have to hold up blocks with their le—
“Arrrrghhh!” screams Luke, and is somehow already out. The rest of the Australians quickly follow his lead, leaving Sarah the winner of their individual immunity necklace, with all of the World tribe still competing.
JLP, embarrassed on behalf of his fellow countrywomen (plus Luke), decides to wrap up the rest of the challenge ASAP.
First, he instructs the players to hold up the tribe with one leg. Which knocks a few of them out, but Kass and Parvati continue stubbornly on.
Frustrated, JLP ups the stakes. “Hold it up there with zero legs!” he demands. And somehow they do! Boy, these international Survivors came to play.
Eventually, Parvati wins the World immunity necklace, through the time-honoured Survivor combination of core strength, negotiation and telekinesis.
Rocks and Firemaking
Grade: C
Both tribes speculate on how Tribal might work, given that JLP let slip that they’d both be going to Tribal Council but only one player would be going home.
Eventually, they make their way there and JLP douses most of the wilder suggestions (Tommi was, at one point, proposing a motorcycle race!).
“First,” explains JLP. “We draw rocks.”
“We draw rocks?” says Janine.
“I can’t draw,” lies Tony.
“No. We did the ‘drawing rocks’ jokes last season,” points out Lisa, who is not just up on the history of every Survivor franchise in the world, but also the dumb jokes in my report cards. What a superfan!
JLP then points out that whoever draws the white rock from each tribe will make fire, and the person who makes fire fastest will get to take their entire tribe back to camp without the need for a vote.
“Gotcha!” says Tony, and starts making his way over to the fire-making cubicles.
“No, no, no,” says JLP. “We draw rocks first to see who gets to make fire.”
“Gotcha!” says Tony, again, and sits back down, where he’s disappointed to see that Cirie has drawn the white rock for the World Tribe.
Tony (correctly) has no faith in Cirie’s firemaking abilities. He saw her first season. Plus, y’know, he also saw Ten’s promo for this episode, which showed him wearing a boot around his neck at tribal (something he hasn’t yet done).
Not the only example of Ten spoiling their own episode. They also promoted Tony’s upcoming move as being reminiscent of the Titanic. So, I’m sure that’ll work out perfectly then.
Although, who knows, maybe they were referring to the box office success of the James Cameron multi-Academy Award-winning movie. (Spoiler: they weren’t.)
Shoes
Grade: A+
So, yeah. Sarah wins the fire making challenge and takes the Australians back to camp. With the World Tribe left to vote, Tony remembers that he’s not only the best Survivor player ever, but also the best Survivor character ever.
So, he takes off his previously mentioned shoe, and ties it around his neck.
The women head off to discuss their options on how to deal with a man with a shoe tied around his neck. Which is almost certainly nothing any of them could have prepared for coming into the game.
Oh? You did, Lisa? Of course. Sorry to have doubted you.
Tommi asks Tony what he should do. Come on, Tommi. Put a shoe around your neck, man! Let’s play. You look like a damn fool sitting there without a shoe around your neck.
Anyway, the votes are cast, JLP asks if anybody has an idol they want to play, and Tony stands up! What a hero. Bless this man.
Alas, JLP doesn’t let him play the shoe as an idol. Big mistake, in my opinion. Where’s your sense of fun?
Personally? I think if JLP lets Tony play the shoe, he’d still be the host of the show.
…
What? Too soon?
Dan vs The World
Okay. At the end of the previous episode, I suggested that Tony was the most likely person to be next voted out of the game (out of eleven), which Rest of the World representative Ben also suggested was the case.
My lead over The World team therefore remains 2-0.
Here are my rankings for who I think is most likely to be voted out in the next episode from most likely to least likely.
Kirby (I think there are more cracks in the Australian alliance than the world one, and Sarah might flip)
Sarah (or Kirby might flip)
Shonee (or Sarah might flip in a different direction)
Cirie (this would be more in an idol blowback situation where the World targets Luke)
Tommi
Janine
Lisa
Luke
Parvati
Kass
Next up to represent the world against me is Jack, from BlueSky. Come join us over on BlueSky!
Here’s Jack’s prediction for who will go next, from most likely to least.
World seems tight going into merge. I think the Aussies will get struck by the Parvati/Cirie star power and start flipping. As such:
Sarah - Kirby has had enough, and may be willing to sacrifice an Aussie to build trust
Tommi - the edit has told me he's not going far. Was nice to hear him speak for basically the first time tonight.
Janine - Luke won't turn on her I don't think, but if the Aussies are ready to flip she's high risk
Shonee - her name keeps coming up in the Aussie tribe, but she has the social nous to get in with the World girlies and will end up on top (is this wishful thinking on my part?)
Kass - may get "big move-itis" to move against Parvati given her new idol, and she needs to build her resume
Luke - he's got the idol
Cirie - Lisa and Parvati wouldn't dare
Lisa - she is all of us.
Kirby - I underestimated her in her first season and again this season and I'll never doubt her again
Parvati - queen of social manipulation, now with an idol to boot
Can Jack help The World team get on the board? Let’s see.
Oh, and if you want to participate as part of the World team, to see if you can beat me in future episodes, just express your interest via the comments below.
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