Your Complete and Comprehensive Guide to Australian Survivor: Australia v The World
Part One (so, y’know, not quite as complete or comprehensive as advertised)
A new season of Australian Survivor is imminent! It’s Australia vs The World, featuring some of the greatest ever Survivor players from franchises all around the world. Here’s your complete and comprehensive guide to the Australian tribe. (We’ll deal with The World tomorrow.)
Australia Tribe
Shonee
Shonee is a social powerhouse, who has appeared on a record seven seasons of Australia Survivor (Champions v Contenders, All Stars, Heroes v Villains, Rebels v Titans, Outback v City Slickers, Bogans v Baristas and Bogans v Baristas 2: The Bogans Bounce Back!), winning fans and fellow players over with her biting charm and charming bite.
Shonee is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to her proven ability to form tight bonds and even tighter portmanteaus, most famously as part of ‘Shonella’ (with Fenella) in her first season, ‘The Shiz’ (with Liz) in Heroes v Villains and ‘Shenanigans’ (with Anne, and Anne again) in Bogans v Baristas 2.
Kirby
Kirby is a fan-favourite gamer, who rose to fame on the Titans v Rebels season, thanks to a compelling season-long battle against her fierce rival, and metallic homophone adjective, Feras. The duo locked horns multiple times in the season, including the Raymond Popcorn Advantage vote, the Valeria’s Vicious Vendetta vote and the time there was a ticket mix-up on the flight home.
Kirby is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to her proven ability to combine strategic aggression, sharp social gameplay and random Australian Rules football skills.
George
George is a strategic mastermind, famous for his ability to engineer brutal blindsides and idol-driven self-coronations. Using his Bankstown-honed political skills, King George’s shining moment came in the seventh episode of Heroes v Villains, where he pulled together an on-the-spot, three-person, tribe dynamic-altering, boring player-eliminating, Simon-humiliating plurality vote in a 45-minute tribal council. The episode was hailed as one of the ‘best television episodes of 2023’ by the New York Times, ‘a masterclass in predicting opponent behaviour through game-theoretic reasoning’ by Scientific American, and ‘a BUY! moment’ by Harvard Business Review.
George is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to his proven ability to do whatever most annoys Simon.
David
David is a highly charismatic master tactician, whose physical prowess makes him an almost unbeatable triple threat in any given season of the game. He came to prominence in his first Australian Survivor season by achieving the historically unlikely feat of outlasting Steve Bradbury, before going on to dominate not just his second Australian Survivor season, but also a US season of Deal or No Deal Island, and an unaired season of So You Think You Can Replace JLP.
David is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to his proven ability to already have millions of dollars thanks to that DONDI win, so, like, who gives a fuck, am I right?
Luke
Luke is a beloved, fun-loving personality, whose emotional authenticity, laconic Aussie charm, and ongoing interest in sharing cookies with Jericho earned him the honour of being Australian Survivor’s first ever returning player, the dishonour of residence in the Big Brother VIP house and the middling honour of being on the Australian version of The Traitors (Season 2: Keep on Traiting!).
Luke is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to his proven ability to survive votes even though the shortness of his name makes him one of the easiest players to quickly write down.
Janine
Janine is a cutthroat business intellect, who founded the globally acclaimed, multi-million dollar Boost Juice empire as a means of getting cast on Australian Survivor: Champions v Contenders 2: Attack of the Clones. Once there, she forged a powerful trio with Pia and Abbey, and orchestrated a number of blindsides, including one where she mixed coconut juice with avocado, pineapple and jalapeños!
Janine is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to her proven ability to leverage her leadership skills and translate corporate governance frameworks into strategic organisational restructuring, thereby maximising stakeholder alignment and securing competitive dominance within the tribal ecosystem through synergistic resource allocation and mission-critical decision velocity.
Sarah
Sarah is a socially agile superstar, who emerged as a strategic frontrunner in the 2017 season (Australian Survivor: We Don’t Have Branded Titles Yet). Having mistakenly first believed she’d been cast on Australia’s Next Top Model, she rapidly pivoted her style of gameplay, focusing far less on her runway skills, and only participating in three (3) photo shoots during her 44 day run, which culminated in a stunning makeover that left Jennifer Hawkins’ mouth agape!
Sarah is the player most likely to win Survivor: Australia v The World, thanks to her proven ability to be cast as the exact kind of under-the-radar player who always wins these kind of seasons.
SEE ALSO: THE WORLD!
