To Me, My X-Men Comics! - Uncanny X-Men Issue 108
In which the Avengers are useless and Jean’s self-esteem is not in question
PREVIOUSLY IN THE UNCANNY X-MEN: Legion of Super-Heroes rip-offs! Flashback-based exposition! Starjammer party-crashing!
This issue sees the first appearance of John Byrne on pencils. So, with such classic art freshly on tap, what does Claremont do? Why, he doubles the amount of word panels, of course. Because why look at the pretty pictures when you can talk all over them instead? A picture’s worth a thousand words, ergo each panel should contain at least that many, seems to be Chris’s reasoning here. And who am I to argue? Still, you’d think with all those extra words, I might have ended up with some idea of what, exactly, was going on. No such luck, but I’ll do my best.
So last issue, Emperor D’ken activated some kind of magical universe-destroying crystal. This remains some kind of problem. Back on Earth, The Avengers get wind of the looming death of the universe and throw their arms up in the air. “Nothing we can do,” says the always-ludicrous Yellowjacket. “Too big. Too far away.” Nice one, Hank. That kind of quitting attitude is exactly why the X-Men beat you to a major motion picture by a dozen years. With a slightly less quitterish mindset, The X-Men and the Starjammers fight some kind of Guardian Robot Imp, whose duty it is to protect a gateway into the crystal. The imp is hella tough, and beats the snot out of everybody until the Banshee gets up in his grill and screams its circuits to pieces.
Alas, the imp is then replaced by a giant robot, a thousand times more powerful. He points out to the X-Men that, even if they should somehow defeat him, he will be replaced by yet another guardian, a thousand times more powerful than him. And so on and so forth, in standard geometric progression. “So it will go, until you are destroyed,” he adds, gloating like only one who has tapped into the power of exponentiation can. He then shows the X-Men visions of their looming deaths, and they all proceed to whimper like the death-fearin’ mutants they be. All except Jean, who has already died, old school. So she takes the vision in her stride and sneaks into the crystal. There she becomes one with its power, undoes the destruction of the universe and sends everybody home, where the Avengers grin sheepishly. “Too big and far away, my taut, redhead butt,” sneers Jean. And fair enough too.
MVP: Jean, FTW! Halfway through her universe-saving shenanigans, she declares to herself: “I’m… beautiful. I’m Jean - Yet I’m Phoenix. And I feel… as if, for the first time in my life, I’m… truly alive.” So not only is she preventing the entire freaking universe from being destroyed, she’s also boosting her self-esteem in the process. You go, girl!
Next Issue: Weapon Alpha! Plus, the smooth moves of Banshee.