To Me, My X-Men Comics! - Uncanny X-Men Issue 110
In which Danger Rooms have substandard safety features and baseball is taken WAY too seriously
PREVIOUSLY IN THE UNCANNY X-MEN: Giggle fits! Attic showers! Early Star Wars screenings!
Let’s return to our friends, the X-Men, shall we? This time, it’s issue 110, because last time it was issue 109, and that’s just the way I roll, incrementally-wise. We open with the team playing a friendly game of baseball on the mansion grounds. As always, there’s one douche taking the whole thing far too seriously. I’ll give you a clue. Begins with a ‘W’. Rhymes with ‘olverine’. Says ‘bub’ far too often for my liking. You know the guy. Anyway, when Colossus rounds third base for home, Logan’s waiting there, unbreakable adamantium claws unsheathed, ready to eviscerate his team-mate for the dread crime of connecting with a Nightcrawler knuckleball.
Overcome with embarrassment at how swiftly a simple game of stick spiralled into a borderline-disembowelling attempt, Cyclops insists that the team instead head off to the Danger Room for a training session. Unfortunately, by the time he gets there, the mysterious villain Warhawk has broken into the mansion, knocked out Maid Moira, Professor X and Jean and twisted the ol’ Danger Room knob all the way to ‘Just Kill The Whole Team Already’. In retrospect, foolish of Chuck to install such a setting, but you know those Danger Room salesmen and their relentless upselling.
So the Danger Room goes batshit and the X-Men flail desperately for their wretched, mutant lives. Wolverine once again shows his douche-tastic streak when he contemplates letting Scott be killed by an unseen array of flying razors, just so he (Wolverine) will get a clear shot with Jean. But he heroically overcomes this libido-inspired sociopathy and instead teleports outside with Nightcrawler where he smashes the power to the Danger Room, shutting it down and rescuing Storm, Colossus and Banshee from the deadly menace of a metal box, Perkins Paste, and a Cone of Silence respectively. The entire team then heads outside and beat up Warhawk for being such a dick.
MVP: Oh, it’s Jean, all right. She and Chuck are defeated by Warhawk right in the middle of discussing how universe-savingly omnipotent she is. Her reaction to this defeat is to spend an entire thought balloon comparing Warhawk and Colossus’s relative lameness levels. She then rejoins the team so she will (presumably) get the opportunity for such bitchy thoughts on a regular basis.
Next Issue: Byrne’s drawing hand is better, so he’s back on pencils.