England v New Zealand, Third Test, Day Four

Featuring the cowardice of calculus, Ben Stokes' retirement and Ben Stokes' batting

The Cowardice of Calculus
Grade: F

A very normal day of cricket began with Daryl Mitchell and Rachin Ravindra doing their very best to re-enact this Test’s first day. Except that, in addition to no wickets falling, there were also no runs being scored. Great stuff. Proper cricket. Oh, sure, Mitchell was given out LBW at one point, but a review swiftly saw it overturned.

A shame, really, because Jofra Archer’s celebrappeal was something to behold. When, oh when, oh when are the ICC boffins going to include in their ball-tracking algorithm the quality of a bowler’s refusal to even look back at the umpire after striking a batter’s pads as they run through to the cordon in delight? How hard can it be. We need to reward this, not overturn it with your tiresome projections built upon the cowardice of calculus.

Nevertheless, the duo continued on almost all the way until lunch before Ravindra carelessly allowed himself to be dismissed by Shoaib Bashir on 94. Ugh. If I were an international batter on 94 facing Bashir, I’d simply hit him for six rather than be rapped on the pads in front. A tactic for Ravindra to consider going forward.

Ben Stokes’ Retirement
Grade: F

After lunch, all hell broke loose. New Zealand lost 3/2 at one point, presumably in a doomed effort to wrap up the innings before the Women’s T20 World Cup match between Australia and India began. Chivalrous stuff from all involved.

Less chivalrous was Ben Stokes, who decided, seemingly mid-bowling spell, to retire from the game, something I only picked up during a drinks break while I was in bed, half-sleepingly watching that previously mentioned T20.