England v India Fifth Test, Day One Report Card

Featuring preposterous nonsense, not playing any bowlers, wayward Tongues and DIY Morpheus off the long run

Preposterous Nonsense
Grade: A

What a topsy-turvy series this is! Just as you think one side has come up with the most preposterous piece of nonsense, the other hits back, harder and stupider than ever. Magnificently silly stuff.

At the end of the previous Test, England were the team well on top in terms of behaving ridiculously, having grumpily conjured s…