Naps
Grade: B+
Having stayed up until three o’clock the previous night watching Australia’s women’s team effortlessly run down England’s total in the ODI World Cup, I went into this men’s World Cupless ODI short on sleep.
This ODI’s mission, then, should it choose to accept it? For India - who, of course, lost the toss - to get us to the boring middle overs ASAP, so I could have a brief nap on the couch.
(FUN FACT: India have now lost an astonishing 812 tosses in a row! A very Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead approach to modern cricket, which suggests that, contrary to widespread opinion, India are not the main character of world cricket, but are instead hapless side characters instead. A bit of a shock to the BCCI, no doubt. Hopefully they’ll be able to buy Tom Stoppard and the corpse of William Shakespeare and put a stop to this nonsense.)
Where was I? Ah, yes. Dozing off in front of India’s first innings, thanks to Josh Hazlewood’s soothing metronomy and the accompanying ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of the commentary team.
Sure, I had a nightmare that Virat Kohli scored consecutive ducks in the series, but I rolled over and shook such fanciful horrors off as I returned to the embrace of Dame Slumber.
Portmatteaus
Grade: A
When I woke up, I was stunned to see that the players had not yet gone off for rain? What in blazes was going on here? What kind of cricket was this?
Fortunately, those heroes in New Zealand were once again covering for their western sibling’s shortcomings, mucking about with rain delays in the third and final T20 over there, and eventually abandoning the entire thing. Great country, New Zealand. Great, rainy country.
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