Australian Survivor: Redemption Report Card - Week 2
Featuring Don Roberts (Mat Roberts' brother), Paula, Harry, slingshots and Johnson
All right. Cool it down, Millionaire: Hot Seat. It’s time for Week 2 of Australian Survivor: Redemption. Let’s get into it.
Don Roberts, Mat Roberts’ Brother
Grade: D+
We return from Eliza’s vote-out at the end of the previous week, with Jackson a very sad wrestler indeed. Lyndl takes him aside and explains why it was perfectly logical for her to go, stumbling only briefly over the bit where Eliza tried to secretly warn her about the perilous position Lyndl was in.
Over at the other camp, Don is struggling to keep his identity as Mat Rogers’ brother a secret, falling into Keeley’s cunning trap of asking if he has a stage name.
“My stage name is ‘Don Rogers, Mat Rogers’ brother’,” he clarifies.
“Did you say ‘Don Rogers, Mat Rogers’ brother’?” ask his tribe mates.
“No. I meant ‘Don Roberts, Mat Roberts’ brother’,” clarifies Don quickly, belatedly remembering his lie. “Forgot my own name.” He wipes the sweat off his brow. “And that of my brother.”
Phew, he thinks to himself. Got away with that one.
Smooth.
But it’s enough to impress Mark, who brings him into one of his many alliances, alongside Caleb. Don suggests they call themselves the ‘corn chip mafia’, which Mark almost immediately upgrades to the catchier ‘corn chip cartel’. That’s the great gameplay that only a returning player can bring to the game.
“Nobody can say no to these,” Mark chuckles. But nobody knows what he’s referencing.
Paula
Grade: C
Time for a reward challenge, a classic game of Tug-of-War Sandbag Toss™. Awkwardly, the Barren Tribe don’t even notice that Eliza had been voted out. Brutal to not have the other tribe even recognise your absence.
Their inability to see the absence of Eliza is made even worse by Cam’s inability to see anything, because he forgot his glasses. He loses the challenge, throwing all his sandbags away.
Bounty’s reward? A chocolate cake split into uneven pieces (including one piece of size zero), all to be divvied up by corporate CEO Rich. As a metaphor for social inequality, it couldn’t have been more on the nose.
On the plus side, Aisha finds a scroll in her piece of cake which leads her to an advantage in the well.
A good thing she did, too, because after a classic immunity challenge of 1d20 Ball Toss™, Bounty are back to Tribal Council.
It’s unclear where the numbers are going, with plans all over the place and fake names being dropped. This is why you don’t vote out Daniel, a source of clarity, because you know if he says your name, you’re 100% safe.
In the end, it’s Paula who goes, blindsiding Harry in particular, who thought the votes were on Lyndl. “Who the hell is Paula?” he furiously asks, before being reminded she was his number one ally. “Her?” he adds.
Harry
Grade: B+
Having been left out of the previous night’s vote, Harry declares that he is once again Dirty Harry™ and he’s going to ‘burn this tribe to the ground’.
Over on the other tribe, Don, meanwhile, reveals to everybody the truth that he’s Don Rogers, Mat Rogers’ brother.
“Uh-huh,” seems to be the consensus.
“Don’t tell the other tribe,” he says.
“Okay.”
Then it’s time for an immunity challenge, a classic game of Sandbag Trolley Push Axe Chop Dangling Jigsaws™. When Bounty loses that, thanks to an inability to recognise background shapes, they also have a secondary individual immunity challenge, a classic game of Stand-a-Poke Ball Balance™.
This brings back troubling memories for Simon, who last time he took part in a bonus individual immunity after losing tribal immunity, he won, then still got utterly schooled by King George Magic™.
Simon cunningly avoids that fate this time, however, with the role of King George instead played by Jackson. And poor old Harry taking the Simon role.
Because realising he’s on the bottom, Dirty Harry channels the flinty appearance of his cinematic namesake by stealing the flint from the tribe and passing it off to Jackson. His plan? To tell the rest of the tribe that if they vote either of them off, there’s a 50-50 chance they’ll be losing their flint, and so maybe vote out Rich instead.
But Jackson instead Dirty Harrys Harry, handing back the flint, betraying his co-conspirator by leaving him with no safety net whatsoever. Harry’s therefore voted out. A good old-fashioned out-dirtying. By gum, it’s been a while since I’ve seen one of those.
Oh, and Caleb was also there. Because of Aisha’s advantage. Didn’t make much difference to, well, anything.
Slingshots
Grade: A-
With Harry gone, Caleb returns to his camp and wakes up his entire tribe to tell them everything that went on. And, as a recapper of the goings-on in Australian Survivor myself, can I just say that Caleb’s explanations left a lot to be desired. Too many extraneous details. Many of his Rule of Three jokes poorly constructed, with punchlines coming in the middle of the list. A general vibe of confusion.
Back on Bounty tribe, Simon is trying to play the provider role just until he can get through to the tribal swap. A classic ploy, as old as the game itself. Not usually done through the provision of belts, but, as ever, Simon plays the game his own way.
Then it’s time for the reward challenge, a classic game of Drown’em’up Slingshot Contestant Bowling Pins™. David explains how in the first portion of the challenge - the ball gathering portion - you must ‘try to prevent your opponents from getting to the ball by any means possible!’
Rich clears his throat. “Excuse me, David,” he says. “A quick point of order. Does that include having the Board of Directors referring the motion back to the Water Ball Provision Oversight Committee in accordance with proper corporate governance?”
“Go!” shouts David.
Bounty win reward (nachos and margaritas and sombreros from home), which leaves Don enraged. He explains to Mark that, honestly, he would have been the best in the slingshotter role because of his vast experience playing rugby league, which honed his hand-eye co-ordination to almost superhuman levels, particularly in the field of crashing through a row of humans.
While he’s banging on endlessly about that, a trio of the women on the tribe (I want to say Keeley, Faith and, uh, Betty?) decide that Tez has to go for some reason.
They call the mission to vote him out ‘Operation: Snuff the Weasel’. An infuriating choice, because ‘Operation: Tez Dispenser’ was right there.
Johnson
Grade: D-
Then it’s time for the immunity challenge, a classic game of Water Crate Carry Upright Maze™.
The Bounty tribe take an early lead, thanks to Simon outperforming Ben on unclipping the underwater net that releases the water crates.
Don is furious! “I would have been the best in the underwater net clipping role, thanks to my vast experience hunting crabs on Cronulla beach with my brother Mat Rogers.”
“With who?” says Caleb.
Despite their best efforts on the maze, Barren are unable to make up the lead and are off to Tribal Council.
“I’ll be a smokescreen for the true vote,” suggests Don, the instant they arrive back at camp. He goes on to point out he is the greatest smokescreen in the tribe because of all his experience of providing smoke machines for touring bands at the local RSL.
Mark, meanwhile, wants Johnson gone, despite Johnson trying to get back on Mark’s good side. They have the following awkward conversation:
JOHNSON: I’m committed to voting the same way as you tonight.
MARK: Yeah, me too.
JOHNSON: Wait. You want to vote the same way as yourself?
MARK: (smiling calmly) Of course.
Operation: Tez Dispenser has also been placed on hold for some reason, because Keeley and friends (apparently the other one is named Sally, of all things!) would rather dispense with Caleb instead.
Johnson then also has an awkward conversation with Keeley, something along the lines of this:
KEELEY: We’re thinking of voting out Caleb
JOHNSON: And it’s not me?
KEELEY: Well, no. Because you’re not Caleb.
JOHNSON: Ahhhh
Finally, Johnson somehow gets into an awkward conversation with Faith as well. Faith tells Johnson she’ll set him on fire if he messes up the Caleb vote. Faith, ironically, does not believe in ambiguity.
Ultimately, however, everybody gets sick of all the awkward conversations and sends Johnson home.
Brooke, however, manages to play her idol for no reason, giving her an extra bonus thing for which she needs to redeem herself, making her now the most important player this season. Good play.
