Women’s World Cup - First Semi-Final Report Card

Featuring full bags, buckets of glory and Morpheus off the short run

Full Bags
Grade: B+

The first World Cup semi-final was between England and South Africa. In the group stage encounter between these two sides, South Africa had been bowled out for 69, setting up a thrashing by ten wickets. So this match was a foregone conclusion, right?

Er, wrong. Because instead of being bowled out for 69 this time around, South Africa captain Laura Wolvaardt decided she’d instead score 69 runs all by herself. And then, for good measure, a hundred more on top of that.

It was as if nursery rhyme-loving South Africa fans asked ‘Have you any Wolvaardt?’ and she responded with a ‘Yes, sir, yes, ma’am, 169 bags of runs full.’

As captain’s knocks went, this was less a light tap at the door, and more a Jack Torrancesque brutal and unrelenting demolition. It encompassed not just the Power Play, but also the Boring Middle Overs and the Final Thrash. A complete batting effort that left England shell-shocked, as she turned the Art of Batting into the Wolvaardt of Batting.

Buckets of Glory
Grade: C

Wolvaardt needed to lead from the front, because most of her batting partners didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory. (Perhaps because Wolvaardt was in the process of preparing her third or fourth coating of glory. Buckets of glory don’t come cheap - not these days - and sometimes you make do with what you have.)

Oh, sure, Tazmin Brits joined her in a century opening partnership, before her wicket triggered a collapse of 3/3.

Then there was another solid partnership with Marizanne Kapp, before Kapp’s dismissal was part of another 3/10 flurry.

(A frustrating wicket, that Kapp one, because Charlie Dean’s safe hands beneath the skied ball meant that England messed up the exciting prospect of having every dismissed South Africa batter out bowled. Shame on you, Charlie Dean. Have a sense of fun, why don’t you?)

But every time England looked to be regaining their dominance, Wolvaardt just regathered herself, ignored whatever her batting partners thought they were doing, and surged on.

In the end, the rest of the South Africa batting (and extras) scored 150 between them. Good on them for having a go, I say.

Morpheus Off The Long Run

Wolvaardt’s astonishing innings was enough for me. I had no plans of staying up for the run chase, which, of course, opened the door for England to have me wake up to something startling.

Which they kinda did. Although, admittedly, had I just taken a little longer to brush my teeth, I might well have got the gist of it.

Here’s what happened, in limerick form.

England’s chase could not have started poorer
A top order collapse, utterly lacking in aura
Three wickets down, seven balls in
Meant they couldn’t possibly win,
But, hey, at least they eventually outscored Laura

It just goes to show what I’ve always said: when it comes to stepping up and dominating in a World Cup semi-final, you can always rely on South Africa.