Pakistan v Australia First ODI Report Card

Featuring special theories of cricketing relativity, 1000th ODIs, and Morpheus off the long run

Special Theories of Cricketing Relativity
Grade: B-

(tapping microphone) Is this thing on? Yes? (clears throat)

And… we’re back. I mean, sort of. The IPL is still technically going, but the power of its gravitational pull is weakening as more and more teams are eliminated from its sheer space-time-cricket distorting mass. (And, once again, a massive thank you to Albert Einstein for working with Christopher Nolan, director of Interstellar, to help us understand the science behind this.)

There was an actual Test series between Bangladesh and Pakistan to which I paid some attention, and a Test between Ireland and New Zealand that I would have watched even more closely had anybody bothered to display it for me on anything resembling a broadcast medium.

But now, even silly old Australia is resuming playing cricket. Well, again, sort of. None of the actual good players could be bothered heading to Pakistan for this ODI series, so instead Josh Inglis was put in charge for some reason.

So clearly not a real series. But one on television. And that’s a start.

1000th ODIs
Grade: C

And, of course, this one day international was sufficiently real to register as Pakistan’s 1000th in the format. A major milestone, indeed, and one that, in a different political climate, might well have led to Roman numeral-loving Rawalpindi-based fans promoting this match as a MODI.

Instead, that opportunity was overlooked. And rightly so. A thousand ODIs? Why, that’s less than three years’ worth. No need to get too excited about that. More exciting, from an Australian perspective, at least, was the selection of Young Ollie Peake™ for the match. Presumably, the Australian selectors had been at least partially watching the IPL and noticed a child tearing every bowler in the world to pieces and decided they wanted some of that as well.

Peake, therefore, became the youngest male specialist batter to ever represent Australia in ODIs. Which, despite the number of qualifications in that description, is still impressive. And, with Pakistan bowling first, I was more than happy for there to be a top order collapse so I could watch the kid bat for a bit.

And there was one, but, unfortunately, not until I’d given up and started taking my contact lenses out to get ready for bed. Two wickets fell (Inglis, and Marnus Labuschagne) during that process, then another (Cam Green) while I brushed my teeth. Poor form, lads. And too late. I have no interest in watching a blur in the vague general shape of Ollie Peake bat. No matter how clean my molars are.

Morpheus Off The Long Run

Here’s what I missed while I slept.

A steady rebuild from Matt Renshaw
Was good, but required much, much more
The Aussies scraped to two hundred,
A target easily plundered
If this is the Peake, then what’s the floor?