Men’s Ashes Third Test Report Card, Day Three

Featuring Alex Carey's haircut and sneaky pouncing

Alex Carey’s Haircut
Grade: A

With rain about on the third day, all talk turned, naturally enough, to Alex Carey’s hairdresser. More precisely, to claims from Sir Alastair Cook that the Australian wicketkeeper had got a haircut, then refused to pay the barber who’d provided it.

Will Carey’s reign of insidious terror in the mother country never end? It doesn’t even matter that the hairdresser thing turned out to be utterly false and swiftly discredited. The fact that it’s plausible to an actual English knight is enough to condemn him, in my opinion.

Do we need to start a GoFundMe for Carey’s UK haircuts? Because I’ll do it. Alternatively, perhaps Carey will prove his innocence by growing his hair as long as possible in the remaining weeks of this tour, to the point where he is given the nickname ‘Hairy Carey’. (Ideally, in this scenario, he would also grow quite contrary and/or start hanging around Donaldson’s Dairy.)

Either way, Carey’s haircut is already making a mockery of Stuart Broad’s claim about what he’ll be remembered for.