Men’s Ashes First Test Report Card, Day Three

Featuring Galaga bonus stages, bathing in Kool-Aid and pre-emptive declarations

Galaga Bonus Stages
Grade: B+

Australia began the day with high hopes of taking a first innings lead, particularly with Usman Khawaja anchoring the innings brilliantly.

Although, not, of course, as brilliantly as Jonny Bairstow, who dropped yet another chance that came his way early in the morning. Between the combined efforts of Khawaja and Bairstow, there seemed to be no way England could take the final five wickets to fall.

Then, suddenly, Ben Stokes decided to pull one of his silly buggers pieces of captaincy, employing a field that looked like a screenshot from a Galaga bonus stage. Amazingly, despite that outdated reference point, the tactic worked, a bemused Khawaja playing all around a delivery from Ollie Robinson and having his stumps rattled.

Is funny cricket captaincy identical to good cricket captaincy? All signs point to yes.