Men’s Ashes First Test Report Card, Day Two

Featuring engagement parties and oafish mitts

Engagement Parties
Grade: F

With the match evenly poised after the first day, following England’s bold deployment of Bazball, it was annoying to miss most of the first session of the second day, due to required attendance at an engagement party. Young love truly is a ghastly thing.

Although perhaps missing the session was not as annoying as it might have been, given Steve Smith’s dogged determination to pursue the very opposite of Bazball - Llabzab, presumably - in scoring a tedious, boundaryless 16 (59), before Ben Stokes thankfully got rid of him.

Smith, of course, had arrived at the crease after Stuart Broad dismissed David Warner and Marnus Labuschagne in consecutive balls, the former for the fifteenth time in Tests.

Has dismissing Warner become a mental crutch for Broad? Sadly, this seems to be the case.