Men’s Ashes Fifth Test Report Card, Day Two

Featuring turgid batting and funny umpiring decisions

Turgid Batting
Grade: C

Australia began the day on 1/61, the kind of score that upon waking up and checking it, had you assuming some of the last session must have been rained out. 

But no, the Australian batters were simply determined to stubbornly score at half England's rate. Just for the hell of it, seemingly. And they continued that plan into the second day, meandering along, seeing themselves safely past the follow-on mark of 83 in the 41st over of their innings.

Oh sure, they copped a lot of criticism for only scoring 54 runs in the entire session, with many pundits claiming that it was too slow, too dull and too obviously emphasising the ‘turd’ in ‘turgid batting’.

On the other hand, from an Australian perspective, it was better than a session in which they scored twenty more runs but also lost four more wickets.

Because that’s precisely what happened in the second session, as England’s attack tore through Australia’s middle order. Heck, even Jimmy Anderson took a wicket, and he’s a very old man. The worm had, if not turned, then at the very least, flicked the indicator to let the worms behind it know that it was about to do so.