India v England Third Test Report Card, Day Three
Featuring sweepboys, playing like a goose and celebratory leaps
Sweepboys
Grade: D
England started the third day of the third Test with at least a one-third probability of winning the match.Â
That alignment of thirds disintegrated when well-known Fab Four member Joe Root failed yet another âhitting the ball forwardâ challenge and instead played a reverse sweep off Jasprit Bumrah straight into the hands of Yashasvi Jaiswal.
The wicket triggered a collapse of 8/95. Jonny Bairstow came and went within the space of the over, taking a precious review with him after he angrily demanded Ben Duckett give it to him: âYou! Sweep-boy! That was right missing the stumps, werenât it?â (As always, my accent work is impeccable.) âUh, yes, yes, Mr Bairstow. It sure was, and no mistake. Please donât hit me no more.â (Cut to a ball-tracking so plumb that Bairstow was off the ground before it even started rendering.)
Frazzled by Bairstowâs famed hatred for having to leaving the middle when heâs definitively out, and with Kuldeep Yadav turning the ball at non-Euclidean angles, Duckett followed soon after. Yadavâs deliveries were too good for the batter, too good for the stumps, and too good for wicketkeeper Dhruv Jurel. At one point, the best chance of intercepting them came from the fielding helmet, which it just beat on the way to the boundary for four byes.
Of course, if it had hit the helmet, that would have been another five penalty runs for England. Was that how they were going to bridge the deficit? Perhaps. Imagine if theyâd brought up a century in penalty runs! Now, thatâs what I call Test cricket.Â
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