Great Forgotten Moments in Border-Gavaskar History - 14th March, 2001

Engrave Consequences

Engrave Consequences

WOMAN: (answering phone) How may I help you, sir?

MAN: (crankily) I’ve been on hold for hours.

WOMAN: I’m sorry to hear that, sir. But I’m happy to help you now. What seems to be the problem?

MAN: It’s an ungraving problem.

WOMAN: We’re very happy to help you with your engraving problem. Engraving is our specialty.

MAN: No, no. An ungraving problem. (glancing up at television set, muttering to himself) Well, don’t just let him bring up a double century like that.

WOMAN: (confused) Did you say an ungraving problem?

MAN: Yes. I’ve been given the responsibility of engraving the Border-Gavaskar Trophy.

WOMAN: (with delighted surprise) Oh! You’re an engraver, sir?

MAN: Uhhh… no. 

WOMAN: (snootily) Oh. (frowning in confusion) Wait, are you an ungraver?

MAN: No. (hesitantly) Are you an ungraver?

WOMAN: No, sir, we’re engravers.

MAN: Ah. (again, muttering at the television) Well, why is Gillespie flapping like a bird as he runs in to bowl? How does that help things?

WOMAN: I’m not even sure that ungravers exist.

MAN: They don’t?

WOMAN: No, ungraving isn’t a thing.

MAN: It isn’t? 

WOMAN: No.

MAN: Ah. (frowning) That’s a shame. Because I’ve… well, to be frank, I’ve gone early on the engraving.

WOMAN: (concerned) Oh, you don’t want to do that, sir.

MAN: Yes, I realise that now. 

WOMAN: In this business, we call that an ‘engrave mistake’.

MAN: I see.

WOMAN: It’s a pun.

MAN: (unamused) No, I get it.

WOMAN: ‘Never engrave early’ is the first thing they teach you at any reputable Engraving Academy. 

MAN: Is it?

WOMAN: (snootily) Yes. It’s a very basic lesson somebody who’s engraving an important trophy should know.

MAN: I see. (sighs) The thing is, I’m supposed to head off on holiday tomorrow night—

WOMAN: May I ask where to?

MAN: I’m going to the Waitomo Glowworm Caves in New Zealand. (muttering at television once more) And now Dravid’s going to score a century as well? Can’t they get either of these two out?

WOMAN: Sounds spectacular.

MAN: Yes, I’m very much looking forward to it… and, obviously, with the match situation as it was…

WOMAN: (nodding in understanding) You decided you’d prevent any last-minute rush by engraving early.

MAN: (sheepishly) Yes.

WOMAN: I see. And how much of ‘2001 Series Winners - Australia’ have you engraved?

MAN: (confused) Well… all of it.

WOMAN: (aghast) All of it?