England v India Third Test, Day Three Report Card

Featuring wasting time, storytelling and Morpheus off the long run

Wasting Time
Grade: A-

KL Rahul and Rishabh Pant resumed on the third day with their trademark blend of unflustered accumulation and intermittent nonsense (there are few batters who make me cackle with joy more than Pant - he is a creator of joy). With the duo batting unthreatened through the session, more attention was instead drawn to the time-wasting antics of both sides.

Frankly, I won’t be satisfied until we can somehow get from drinks to the session break without a single ball being bowled. It can be done. Here’s how:

• Drinks break (7 minutes)

• Bowlers complaining about the ball, umpires checking it (4 minutes)

• Umpires choosing a replacement ball (5 minutes)

• Fielding side complaining about the replacement ball (3 minutes)

• Batter adjusting sight screen (2 minutes)

• Batter shouting at spectator to sit down (3 minutes)

• Ladybird invasion (7 minutes)

• Batter being checked for strained groin after leaping away, startled, from ladybird (6 minutes)

• Change of batting gloves (3 minutes)

• Litter blows onto pitch, needs clean up (3 minutes)

• Bowler loses run-up (2 minutes)

• Umpires check light (3 minutes)

• Keeper decides to come up to stumps, calls for helmet (2 minutes)

• Batter marks guard again (2 minutes)

• Spider-Cam malfunction (6 minutes)

• Fielding team ask for ball to be checked again (2 minutes)

• End of session

It is my understanding that in the final over of the day’s play, Ben Duckett and Zak Crawley put in some solid groundwork towards this goal. Excellent. Let’s keep working hard, lads.

Storytelling
Grade: D

The only thing that could bring an end to the Rahul-Pant partnership turned out to be an obsession with reaching a century before lunch.