England v India Fifth Test, Day Two Report Card

Featuring going vroom!, duct tape and DIY Morpheus off the long run

Going Vroom!
Grade: C

I missed the first session of the second day, which meant I missed a rapid India collapse. I also missed an even more rapid England opening partnership, as the home side went into full ‘Bazball goes vroom!’ mode, eliciting the usual Beatlemania screams of delight from their fans.

More importantly, however, I missed an interaction between Akash Deep and Ben Duckett after the former dismissed the mop-topped latter for 43 (38), attempting a reverse scoop.

Following the wicket, Deep gave Duckett a send-off via a weird farewell embrace. It was a moment described in various media outlets as ‘embarrassing’ (The Guardian), ‘unnecessary’ (The Times) and ‘cuddletastic’ (The UK Hugger’s Digest). Perhaps. But have England fans considered the possibility that this is yet another cultural misunderstanding and that Deep simply wanted to complete the personal milestone of ‘hugging one (1) dismissed batter’?

Duct Tape
Grade: B+

After lunch, the India attack regrouped, almost immediately taking the wicket of Zak Crawley, as they made the most of helpful conditions (ie, bowling to him in a cricket match).