Campfire Bonding With Uncle Bob

(minutes 47 to 53 inclusive)

Around a campfire with no telephone reception, Uncle Bob attempts to bond with the younger generation…

TRANSCRIPT

So… uh… do you read books? I remember when I was your age, I was into the Dune books. Loved them. Loved the Dune books.

Well, the first couple, anyway. They kind of went off the deep end a little bit after that, but the first two were good.

It’s sci-fi. About a guy named Paul. Paul was sent to live on a desert planet with his mum. And his… uh… his mum’s a witch and on the planet there are spices - like, I dunno, sage or nutmeg - and it’s… uh… it’s so hot you have to drink your own pee.

Wasn’t there an NRL player who was caught on video drinking his pee one time?

You guys are probably too young to remember that, but it was a bit of a scandal at the time. He was… uh… he was in a pub… in the toilets of a pub, drinking his own pee.

Probably more justifiable on a desert planet, I’d have thought.

They also had… in Dune… they also had human computers. That might interest you. They called them mentats, if I recall correctly. Mentats. They’re like, uh, like ChatGPT. Except they’re also butlers.

So, smart, but a little bit creepy and off. Not fully right in the head. Like AI, but in human form, in butler form. In human butler form. So that’s probably the opposite of artificial intelligence. Unartificial intelligence.

Mmmmmmentats. Mentats. Sounds a bit like men’s tatts, right? I reckon that NRL player had men’s tatts. Probably had a lot of them.

They made it into a movie a couple of years back, right? Not the… NRL dude. I’m talking about Dune. Starring Chalamet. Timothée Chalamet.

You couldn’t get Chalamet in a movie about an NRL player, drinking his own pee in a toilet, in a pub, I wouldn’t have thought. He’s too big for that. Too Hollywood.

I mean, he’s the wrong build anyway. He’s a handsome fella in that kind of sickly way that lots of young girls like. But he’s weedy and small. His neck would snap the second he was tackled. Like, you tackle him - crick - neck’s gone. Which, y’know, that’s not a problem so much when you’re filming Dune. It’s definitely a problem in an NRL match.

He played Bob Dylan, too, did Timothée Chalamet. Bob Dylan in a biopic.

Is it ‘bi-O-pic’? Or ‘bi-OP-ic?’ Not quite sure. I think it’s ‘bi-O-pic’. ‘Bi-OP-ic’ sounds too much like ‘bionic’, and people might think it’s a movie about how Bob Dylan was some kind of robot-man.

The Bionic Dylan. The Six Million Dollar Dylan. The Six Dyllion Dollar Biopic.

Still, at least he’s not a monkey, right? Did you see the biopic where Robbie Williams was a monkey? That was weird.

Why would you put a monkey in a boy band? Yes, I mean, he can dance, obviously. But the singing would just be screeching, wouldn’t it? Like that monkey kind of screeching, like eee-e-e-e-eee. Who needs to listen to that? I mean, amazing they sold so many albums, really, when you think about it like that. Take That!

Having said that, Dylan’s not much better, is he? He’s always been more of a poet than a performer, really. ‘The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind’. That’s poetry. You wouldn’t catch a mentat saying that, would you? They just tell you the answer. ‘This is the answer. Bang. Gotcha. Here’s your numbers.’

Mentats.

Still, ol’ Dylan’s got a nasal voice. It’s not… pleasant. I mean, it’s better than a monkey. But barely…

Hmmm?

Oh, chimpanzee.

Okay. Sorry about that.

Do you like, uh, chimpanzees?

Or Robbie Williams?

Would you like Bob Dylan if he was a chimpanzee?

What about if he was a bionic chimpanzee?

No?

Anyway, good book, Dune. Once you, uh, get past them drinking their pee.