Australia v England Test, Day One Report Card

Featuring hobble-heeled Healy, translating names from French and disrespecting bowling statistics

Hobble-Heeled Healy
Grade: B+

Australia celebrated the arrival of the Test match in this series, and the corresponding opportunity to inflict a 16-0 clean sweep on England, by bringing back ol’ hobble-heeled Healy into the team. To be fair, they were in a very silly mood, with news coming out the day before the Test that Healy was racing a clock while wearing a moon boot? Zany times at the MCG, and why not? They’re a team of ruthless, remorseless cricketing automatons hellbent on destroying every opponent that crosses their path. That doesn’t mean they can’t have some fun.

Unsure of which batter to omit in place of the returning Healy, Australia left out Megan Schutt instead. Just to see if they could. And then Healy won the toss and decided to have a bowl. Again, mostly just to show off, one imagines.

Which isn’t to say it didn’t work. Because, obviously it did, with Kim Garth taking the wicket of Maia Bouchier the fourth ball of the innings.

On the other hand, despite the almost-as-swift departures of Tammy Beaumont and Heather Knight, Sophia Dunkley and Nat Sciver-Brunt saw England to lunch at 3/47.

And, hey, losing only three wickets in the first session after being sent in to bat is pretty good, right? Or, if not ‘good’, at least ‘not terrible’.

Translating Names From French
Grade: D

Furthermore, the England team had unveiled in that first session a new area in which they were going to lift their standards above those of the formidable Australians.