Australia v England Second Test, Day Four Report Card

Featuring competent batting, Alex Carey injustice, mindless banter and strong Australian teams

Competent Batting
Grade: D

Weirdly, Ben Stokes and Will Jacks showed up on the fourth day of the Test and proceeded to bat in a competent fashion. Had nobody informed them that everybody had already declared the Test over and begun their post-mortems? Strange behaviour.

Nevertheless, the pair batted through the entire first session, dragging England into the lead in the process. There was - and I don’t say this lightly - a touch of Starc-Boland about the batting partnership. Impressive stuff.

Impressive, doomed stuff.

For, after the first meal break, ushered in by a single over each of Travis Head Filth™ and Marnus Labuschagne Filth™, Australia eventually broke through.

Not with a wicket, but with the wonderful tradition of the England captain being hit in the dick during an Ashes tour.

Alex Carey Injustice
Grade: F

The blow to the testicles that left Stokes collapsed on the ground, wincing in agony, under the Gabba lights, signified, as it so often does, a turning point.

Shortly after the nut shot, Michael Neser caught the outside edge of Jacks’ bat, the ball flying past Alex Carey, standing up to the stumps, to Steve Smith’s left.

Smith dived low and reeled in the chance centimetres off the ground, bringing to an end the 96-run partnership that had also doubled as the longest partnership of the series so far. The Australian captain celebrated by charging around like an overstimulated only child at an eight year old’s birthday party, and rightly so. It was a superb catch, and fitting revenge for the similarly superb grab that Jacks had taken off him earlier in the match. More importantly for Smith, he did it without those ridiculous eye patches. Proper Test cricket from everybody involved.