Australia v England Second Test, Day Two Report Card

Featuring tackle catching, Ghostbusters: Ginger Phantom, anthropomorphic urns and the arrow of time

Tackle Catching
Grade: A+

The first day of this Test was most notable for Alex Carey and Marnus Labuschagne’s co-invention of tackle catching, the most exciting innovation in cricket since the much-missed Three-Team Cricket.

Sure, ‘tackle catching’ might sound like a Tobias Fünke turn of phrase, but as a cricketing concept it’s hard to argue with. Players taking catches while team mates charge into them from a variety of angles! Yes! If cricket in Australia is worried about the various football codes (NRL, AFL, freestyle kickboxing, etc) extending into the cricket season, this is the way to fight back. Let’s poach some of those codes’ criminal lunkheads and get them out in the field, wreaking the kind of violent havoc that so enamours winter sporting fans.

Which is why it was such a shame that most of the second day was spent with England not having a single player employing one of the beloved tackle catches that so many fans had turned up to the Gabba to see. And these jokers reckon they’re trying to save Test cricket? Shame on them.

Australia weren’t without blame, of course. Yes, they took their final wicket of the England innings. Yes, it was Marnus leaping athletically in the outfield at full stretch to drag one in. But where was Carey? Why wasn’t he pile-driving him into the ground? Elbowing him in the head? Applying a judicious squirrel grip? Tackle catch, Australia, tackle catch!

Ghostbusters: Ginger Phantom
Grade: C

England, as the stodgy Bazballing traditionalists of the game, preferred to employ a more classical form of catching technique. Namely, dropping every single chance that came their way.