Ashes Screenplay 2025-26
In which there is talk of postponement and offers you may or may not be able to refuse
On Screenplays
Those of you who’ve been paying attention to me for a while - and, y’know, apologies if that’s the case - might recall that for the last three Ashes series I’ve written a ‘screenplay’, in which I recap each day’s events in the form of exaggerated parodic nonsense.
Some people have been asking whether I’ll do one this series. And the answer is, probably not. Or, at least, not to the same extent, for reasons that hopefully the above instalment makes clear.
They’re a lot of work, and, frankly, I tend to get carried away with them. I always start with the intention to have them be a series of stand-alone sketches, only for a plot to worm its way in, making them that much harder to wrangle.
Look, I may pop in with the occasional skit should inspiration strike, but it won’t be a regular thing. Sorry, for anybody who enjoyed them. And, you’re welcome, for everybody who didn’t.
Subscriptions
Having said that, any inspiration-struck extra instalments I do stumble into will probably only be posted here, on the newsletter, and at my BlueSky feed. (I try to avoid Twitter as much as possible these days. All the toxicity surrounding it, especially during the Ashes, is enough to have me not wanting to dilly-dally, mucking about with images and threads and the like. Ugh. Apologies to those of you still able to tolerate Twitter - you are stronger folk than I am.)
And so, if you want to see what’s coming, subscribing to this here newsletter is highly recommended. I’m perilously close to 1000 subscribers, and that’d be a lovely little milestone to pass before the Ashes begins.
Heck, if you really want to be supportive, you can always opt for a paid subscription. In fact, if you sign up for the Ashes, I’ll give you the rest of the year for free. Hard to argue with that.
A paid subscription gets you access to all my daily report cards. (Traditionally, only the report card for the first day of each Test is made available for regular subscribers.) There may well be other content hidden behind the ol’ paywall as the series goes on. Who can say? Plus, a paid subscription gives you access to the full archives. Look, you know how paid subscriptions work. (You know how they work so well you understand that this offer obviously expires once the Ashes begins - so move sharply!)
And, hey, I’m as motivated by money as the next billionaire. If there are enough new paid subscriptions, and those paid subscribers demand daily screenplay instalments, then the promise of delicious, delicious cash in my bank account might well change my mind.
Autographed Books
Oh, one other thing paid subscribers also get? A 10% discount on everything in my online store.
And look what’s new in my online store! Autographed copies of my latest book, The 50 Most Ridiculous Ashes Moments.
I only have limited supplies of this, plus I’m going on holidays next week, so if you want to receive this before Christmas, you’d better move quickly.
Right, I think that’s all for now. As you were.
Remember, subscribe here, if you haven’t already. Get me over the thousand-subscriber hump!
Plus, consider a paid subscription! Get discounts and daily report cards and the opportunity to badger me for more content. Pay for the Ashes, get the rest of the year (ie, everything after the Ashes, if you can imagine such a concept) for free!